You stood outside and knocked at my window

in a strange rhythmical way—it made it easy to open my eyes even though the lights of early morning were hurting me.

I couldn’t figure out if I wanted you here or not (which means, I really really did, but it’s not good for me, or for you). So I took my sweet time instead, and brushed my teeth, which comforts me best. And I walked to the door to let you in, with my protection still, brushing away, preventing me from spilling stupid words everyhwere.

And you stood and looked at me, with apprehension, with a little sorrow. You, so naked with your feelings, all the way here, just for me, and Me, standing there, brushing, brushing. My eyes plead you to leave, because it’s not safe, but you look so hurt, so I step in closer. My hands brush yours, but you pull away. Your feet step left, but I’ll be in your way. My eyes plead, still, but now for you to stay. As you step back, and I step in, you’re trapped between my heart pulsing away, and the slanted white—not quite a ceiling or a wall. And you finally release your temporary hurt, and let me feel

Your lungs so close to mine.

(You lean in, to kiss me I think, but I am still standing there, brushing, brushing my teeth)

And into my room we go…

(The ellipses signify the unspeakable—that which is so tender and intimate.)

But I also wake up„ I don’t understand. I don’t even like you that much.